Still Not Sure
by Jon The New Kid In Town
Summary: Tried to update a current fanfic, but south park studios decided to crash and i couldn't rewatch 'Death' so here's a spin off fanfic on the stick of truth that i was planning on releasing in about... 6 to 7 months.
1. Chapter 1

"Greetings, humans and drow elves of Zaron!"

"Clyde!"

"He took the stick!"

"While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!"

"Oh no, it's more of that green stuff!"

"With what i have found i shall raise an ARMY OF THE DEAD! I SHALL RAISE AN ENTIRE ARMY OF DARKNESS AND KILL THE EARTH!"

"Clyde... but why?"

"I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he's all pissed off."

"So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the earth!"

"Clyde, do you want a sandwich?"

"Not now dad, I'm making a ruler of darkness video."

Whoever controls the stick controls the universe, and my first deed is that I hereby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms, And strip BOTH kings of all their power! HA HA HA HAHA HAAHAHAAAAAAAA!"

"Motherfuck- wait a second... replay the video."

When they replayed it, they finally noticed the figure behind him, eating a sandwich, smiling at the screen, and flipping them the bird. A figure that went by the name of Jon.

"That son of a bitch..."

* * *

"That doesn't mean YOU have taco bell green sauce, Dipfuck!"

"Yeah, Clyde. Why do you think that shits GLOWING?"

"Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers."

"Just... give us the stick asshole."

"Or what? You'll beat me up? Ha Hah! I've got another surprise for you!"

Clyde whistles, signaling Jon to jump down from her hiding spot.

"Shit! it's Jon! OK Commander Douchebag, listen here. Jon only helps a side if they defeat her in battle! I just wonder how Clyde kicked her ass... Anyways, if you beat the crap out of her, she would join our side! Jon's main ability is-"

"Hey, Fatass! haven't seen you in a couple days! You still eating 4 servings of cheesy poofs every bag?" Jon taunted, Clyde laughing at her taunt.

"AY! Get over here, hippie! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"You couldn't kick an ass if you tried!"

Jon laughed to herself. Her bait trap had worked perfectly. Commander Douchebag or whatever his name was didn't know her ability. Yet.


	2. Chapter 2

_**You know what? Fuck it. I had this chapter made the same day i made chapter one, might as well release it instead of trying to write a new chapter for a shitty ass fanfic i'm doing.**_

* * *

"Well, Fatass? You gonna fight me or what?"

Jon herself initiated the battle by smacking Cartman on the ass with the dagger she was carrying. Cartman get's pissed when his ass gets smacked.

"Your gonna get it, Asshole! There can be only one victor in this match!" Cartman shouted, pulling down his pants. Jon did the exact same thing, at nearly the exact same time.

Cartman initiated Burning cloud, and it was a battle of the asses from there.

"You trying yet?" Jon laughed 5 minutes later, barely straining herself. Cartman on the other hand looked ready to pass out from the effort.

Jon gave one more push, and Cartman hit the ground almost instantly.

She had knocked out the wizard king with one, flaming fart.

* * *

"So, who's next?"

Douchebag quickly switched out Cartman for Jimmy. Jon then flashed with a glowing purple light, and, when the light died, her outfit matched Jimmy's perfectly.

What the shit... Douchebag thought, then he felt a hand on his foot. Looking down to see an injured Cartman, hearing him gasp "She's a Mimic. She can match your partner's... Perfectly. Moves and all." Cartman fainted, but Douchebag heard what he needed to know. He quickly turned back to the battle, to see a wave of sound coming right towards him. She was playing the Brown Note.

Shit. was all he had time to think before getting hit by every single one. Jimmy was dead, and Douchebag nearly shitting his pants.

* * *

Douchebag looked for healing items in his inventory, but found none.

He quickly switched Jimmy out for Butters, then had Butters restore his HP. Seeing the dark purple flash from before, Douchebag was no longer surprised to see Jon had an identical Paladin outfit to butters.

Butter's attacked Jon with a Hammer of Justice. She fell on the ground. Pissed, but not very injured. She quickly recovered and used a Hammer of Storms attack, nearly knocking out Butters and somehow missing Douchebag completely.

Butters decided to use Professor Chaos, but Jon had done it moments before. Rolling Chaos Hammer, She Knocked the poor kid out.

* * *

Holy shit... that's half my team down, thought Douchebag as he struggled to decide who to switch butters with. He eventually decided on Kenny.

The purple light returned, but this time, Jon was wearing normal clothes instead of a princess getup.

"I'm already a girl, Fuck the princess outfit." Douchebag's opponent laughed out.

Kenny decided to summon her Furry Friends, but Jon had blocked some of the damage.

Jon then quickly started a song of her own, and Kenny's own rats proceeded to rip the princesses head off.

* * *

Kyle or Stan... Kyle or Stan... Douchebag thought to himself. He decided on Kyle, looking to the the Jew for help.

"Let's fuck her up!" Kyle shouted, raising their attack stat. The purple light returned, her looking just like the Jew.

But Jon suddenly got a weird look on her face.

"You know, Kyle. I wonder who's side Ike would choose. Mine or yours."

"Obviously mine, you dip fuck." Kyle replied, only to go wide eyed as he saw his baby brother sailing towards him, swords out.

Then all was black for Kyle.

* * *

Come on Stan. Let's go! thought Douchebag as Stan came out to aid in the battle.

He quickly Marked Jon for Death, and would have died if looks could kill, the way Jon was glaring at him.

Suddenly, Jon raised her sword high, fire brimming from the hilt.

Stan gave one more look of surprise before he was caught on fire, his eyes closing as Douchebag threw a bucket of water on him.

* * *

"Looks like it's just you and me, Asshat." Jon said lightly, slightly laughing as she did so.

The purple light returned, one, final time, and to his horror, she looked exactly like him.

Douchebag quickly tried to use his classic cutting knife to cut off her penis, but remembered that she was a girl all too late.

"I'm a female, idiot. I don't have a dick." She laughed, pulling out an exact copy of Douchebag's knife.

"But that doesn't mean you don't." quickly lopping off his wiener.

* * *

As Douchebag started to black out, he felt a taco being used on him.

Confused, he opened his eyes to see Jon reviving his party.

"You have passed, i'll fight for you." she said quietly, stalking towards Clyde.

"Wait... we lost to you..." Cartman exclaimed.

"So? you want me to change my mind, Fatass?"

"Please don't."

While they were arguing, Clyde had time to turn on the goo, awakening Chef.

"Shit."


End file.
